A good friend of mine suffered years of spasmodic attacks of violent coughing. Obviously, it badly affected his health and also his social life. For example, it was hugely embarrassing when he started coughing in the cinema, theatre or church. He was seen by various doctors and underwent various treatments. Some of those brought some relief, others worsened the condition; all of them were ineffective cures. Only a few years ago he was eventually correctly diagnosed and – although the condition is incurable – with the right treatment and support he can fully enjoy life again. It would be easy to scorn those doctors who hadn’t managed to get it right in the first place, but it wasn’t easy. The attacks were intermittent, and the symptoms (violent cough) could have been caused by a great range of medical and/or environmental conditions. The successful doctor practically used the previous erroneous diagnoses and treatments to eliminate all possible causes and to put his finger on the right one. So in a way, his success was the result of the combined efforts of all the medical experts.
The theme of today’s readings seems to be sin and for many, that can be an off-putting subject for a number of reasons. These days it’s considered judgmental and bigoted (i.e. bad) to have opinions on moral matters unless they are in line with the modern so-called progressive dogma – as we learned from the political furore in Scottish politics last week. Another reason that we don’t like talking about sin is a common misconception that it’s a breach of a religious ban on good and pleasant aspects of life, which actually echoes the serpent’s argument in today’s first reading: “You will not die! God knows in fact that on the day you eat it your eyes will be opened and you will be like gods, knowing good and evil.” In the language of the Bible ‘to know things’ means to have power and authority over them. In this instance, to know good and evil would be the power to decide and define what is good and evil. It sounds frightfully familiar… The fictional story of the first fall was a meditation on the human condition and its scary inclination towards evil. The biblical author was pondering why people, created in God’s image and likeness, could be so violent and cruel against their fellow human beings. When we strip the first reading of its story-telling embellishments, the simple conclusion is that we tend to fall into a trap of exorbitant but baseless self-confidence, granting ourselves the right to define good and evil without the ability to foresee the consequences. The biblical author claimed that only God knows everything and thus is in a position to define good and evil. His conclusion has been proven right so many times in the history of humankind and yet we keep falling into the same trap over and over again – there’s a plethora of evidence around us.
However, it isn’t inevitable to fall victim to such a ploy. We have a great set of spiritual tools at our disposal, effective when used and when used properly. Nowadays this set of tools usually gathers dust because we either don’t know how to use them or, having had bad experiences, we deem them unsuitable for our needs. Over the five Sundays of Lent, I will look at each tool a bit closer and hopefully we will be able to dust them off and put them to good use. Collectively they are known as “Five Steps to a Good Confession” but their usefulness isn’t limited to one particular sacrament; on the contrary, they are very good at helping us to grow into full maturity. Hopefully, it will be clearer by the end of this Lent.
“The examination of conscience” is commonly understood as a way of counting our own misdeeds, imperfections, weaknesses, failures, negligence and so on. This very list, though incomplete, makes me feel miserable already. When we put it in motion it only gets worse. No wonder this traditional practice has virtually fallen from grace. We have a natural need for affirmation, for betterment, for being good and decent. These qualities may be misplaced or misdefined but the need to be good is the driving force behind them. Consequently, we don’t like being criticised and we get upset when people express their negative views or opinions. Instinctively then we try to protect ourselves by attacking the other person, or defending or justifying our own actions or attitudes. The same applies to our self-perception; we don’t like to confront the dark side of ourselves because it goes against our natural need for perceiving ourselves as good. Consequently, when we embark on counting our “spiritual beans” it often results in frustration and a kind of hopelessness because most often they are the same each time. When we don’t see any progress or change for the better, we quickly lose motivation to keep trying. So, we don’t do “the examination of conscience” regularly; when we have to, we grab a ready-made one from a book of devotions or – worse – from the internet. It only enforces the perception of the practice as something for masochists… Which it’s not!
You don’t have to tell God of all your misdeeds in fine detail; He knows everything anyway and despite that, He never stops loving you. So, “the examination of conscience” benefits you, not God. Instead of going through a list of possible sins and making your own charter of sin, the practice is much more about spotting certain patterns of behaviour, areas of concern and so on. Our sinful acts are only the final outcome of causes lying deeper in our hearts. St James described it rather vividly: “one is tempted by one’s own desire, being lured and enticed by it; then, when that desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and that sin, when it is fully grown, gives birth to death.” (James 1:14-15) The examination of conscience is a bit like reverse engineering. We look at the symptoms (sins, imperfections, failures – you name it) and try to understand why we did, said, or reacted in a particular, incorrect way. Temptations are also handy indicators of our weak points, so when they come up, instead of running scared we should use them to our advantage – but avoid falling into them. The examination of conscience is an informed reflection on our life when we willingly look at its certain aspects through the magnifying lens of Scripture and sound moral teaching of the Church in order to find the underlying cause of our persistent problem. Then we can find ways to address the cause rather than despairingly fight the symptoms, and consequently get things sorted out.
Do you remember the opening story of my friend’s health problems? It took a few failed diagnoses and treatments to eventually get things right by elimination. Similar to his case, it’s good to consult the results of your examination of conscience with a specialist. But that is a subject for a sermon in two weeks’ time.
